Segway of the Dead Title Screen
Segway of the Dead is a 2013 game released by Evil-Dog and an April Fool's joke sequel to the original Road of the Dead, preceeding the release of Road of the Dead 2 in August.
Description[]
With only a Segway vehicle, you have to survive the zombie apocalypse. The game features many game modes and lots of things to upgrade. Start with the story mode where you'll go through an emotion stirring series of 200 action-packed and gut wrenching missions.
Hope you enjoy this addition to the Saga of the Dead.[1]
The game's menu includes the selection of Story Mode, Speed Chase, Free Roam, Survival and Time, the latter of which would be unlocked after completion of the Story Mode.
Plot[]
Play as professional Rambo impersonator and segway enthusiast Johnny as he segways his way out of Evans City and tries to completely save everyone from the zombies. Press D or Right Arrow key to accelerate and follow your dreams.
In wake of the recent rise of revenants, Johnny has headquartered himself in a spacious garage which totally wasn't previously owned by local mechanic and nationwide fugitive John Creasman. Not losing his pride, yet cautiously pragmatic, our hero proclaims in a thunderous voice: "It's time to go! If I stay here I'm dead!". Glistening next to his trusty vehicle of choice, a lightweight electronic dicycle, commonly known as a Segway, he stands idly, probably thinking about his glorious escape and the many offers and movie roles he will receive for the boisterous exploits he will venture out to fulfill. Buy exciting new upgrades in the form of:
- Tires
- Speed Boobsters
- Shock Absorbers
- Steel Abs
- Mounted Weapons
And gain Perks, including:
- Melee Attack
- Screaming
- Self-Defense
1/200: Breaking Through![]
Johnny appears in an innovative 2D-side scrolling angle in a lawn-lined avenue of Evans City, the illusion of quiet suburbia created by its rows upon rows of picturesque, brownstone single-family detached home and subtle off-color Kobicha picket fences only being broken by the presence of the shamelessly rotting undead. Disgusted by this perversion of the American lifestyle, Johnny revolts against this, shouting "FUCK! There's too many of those fuckers ahead! If I'm fast enough, I can break through 'em!" and makes a bid to break through the horde some undetermined amount of units of length ahead of him.
Approaching at an ever quickening pace, he knows that he must go where no man has gone before him, yelling "Gotta go faster." to advance further towards his goal. increasing the the rate of acceleration marginally. Now topping the 20 km/h mark, Johnny begins to grow more desperate. "NEED MORE SPEED", as he initiates emergency protocol, dangerously reaching the unprecedented and sacriligious speed of 32 km/h. "FASTER!" he commands his brother-in-arms, as even the mighty segway begins to lose its cool, breaking its promise of being a self-balancing testament to the human spirit, tipping forward ever so slightly as it buckles and bends beneath the pressure and weight of Johnny and his ambitions.
Johnny realizes far too late that his inanimate life partner is beginning to fail him, but as he does, mere feet from his cold, fleshy grave, he let's out a wail of agonized terror, not for the death of his earthly body, but for failing to secure his spot in Valhalla, unwillingly meeting his end as a common man, rather than his deserved fate in the midst of guts and blood of others, as the warrior he truly is. The embrace of his ghoulish executioners is as expected, unloving and raving, as they claw into him and desecrate him before he could strike a fitting pose for the statue that would surely be built in his memoriam. Rather than share his eternal wisdom with his former fellow neighbors, he instead performs one last rythmic chorus comprised of screeches and cries, for his tormentors to hear before he passes on. His final thoughts lie in comfort, knowing that, at least, he has gone and done what only one man had achieved before him: death on a segway.
2-200/200[]
TBA
Trivia[]
- As an April Fool's joke, the game is completely impossible to beat, even if one cheats and maximizes speed in the "first" of the 200 levels, as every attempt at breaking through the horde will inevitably end in Johnny grinding to a halt in the mass of zombies and being eaten alive, yielding no SP to spend.
- Evil-Cat actually had to go out and announce that this game was meant to be an unplayable shitpost entry to dispel the unamused audience, promising to release the actual sequel later that year.
- If the player waits long enough after the Game Over screen, i.e. watch for 5 seconds as Johnny screams and squirms as he's devoured, one is rewarded with these gamebreaking hints:
- "you has no lived, play better"
- "try teh upgrades to wn"
- "your has a lose, gain enough speed to wreck the zombie crowd"
- "you didn't survived, zombies will murder you if very too slow"
- "use the segway's two-wheeled, self balancing, battery powered vehicle to wins the escape"
- "better speed is better win, you are losed"
- "your segways perform best in adequate sidewalks, curb cuts at intersections, and ramps"
- "your segway detects the change in the balance point, and adjusts at the speed at which it balancing the survivors accordingly for zombies"
- "segways balances with the help of dual computers that run proprietary software, two tilt sensors, escaping zombies and five gyroscopic sensors"
- "segway is not best vehicle to survive but you have a segway to survive. you have not survive now."
- "you didn't seque zombies in city, and have died, try better with first establishes and then maintain corresponding speed, forward or backward"
- "the names segway is a homophone of the word segue, meaning smooth transition. PT is an abbreviation for personal transporter, PT is crucial in escape zombies"
- "your losed, try tapping faster"
- ● In Road of the Dead 2 main menu, you can see the (probaly) same zombie horde Johnny tried breaking through, walking towards the city.